Last of the Monster Kids

Last of the Monster Kids
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Sunday, February 27, 2011

Oscar 2011 Live Blog

So, tonight's the night.

I've been eagerly awaiting the award show tonight despite the fact that it will probably be awful. I had an absolute blast live-blogging the show last year. The ability to immediately respond to something feels like some sort of nerdy take on gonzo journalism. I am literally hard with anticipation.

It's actually luck that I'm able to be here right now doing this. A tree fell on my house Friday, tearing down my power line. I got electricity back yesterday but still don't have heat. So it's very cold in here. But it's better then sitting in the dark. If I miss the show and the chance to blog it because of some cruel random stroke of nature, I would be seriously pissed.

Anyway, the Oscars. My local Alamo Drafthouse, God bless it, showed the nominated short films this past week. I thought this was really cool because I almost never actually get the chance to watch the nominated shorts. I only got a chance to catch the animated shorts. I'll reflect on those... Now!

The winner of the Best Animated Short Film will probably go to "The Gruffalo." It's got an all-star cast and is based on a beloved children book. "Day and Night," the short that played before "Toy Story 3" this past summer, is also up for a nomination. Pixar is always a safe bet so it'll probably be the runner-up.

Personally, I'm rooting for "The Lost Thing," a sweet, surreal little fable from Australia. It's probably too quirky to actually win but I'm hoping.

"Madagascar, carnet de voyage" is a visually impressive, musical travelogue. The only nomination in the category I actively disliked was "Let's Pollute!" a pro-pollution parody of '50s educational reels that hammers its point home and overstays its welcome at only six minutes. The theater also showed two highly commended shorts, the heartbreaking short from Germany, "Urs," and Bill Plympton's parody of action films and advertising called "The Cow Who Wanted to be a Hamburger," both of which are quite good and either of which I would have preferred to have seen nominated.

So, anyway, the show itself. James Franco and Anne Hathaway, neither of which are comedians or professional hosts, will probably stumble through another dry, harsh three hours. The show itself is apparently making heavy use of green-screen and I can't wait to see that backfire spectacularly, which I'm sure it will.

Also, a technical note here, this isn't actually a real live-blog. I am not using live-blog technology because I'm not real keen on how it works. So, basically, constantly refresh your page. I will be.

Anyway, we've got seventeen minutes the counter on the obnoxious red carpet show is telling me. See you soon.


8:17 - This is the first time, I think, I've ever actually bothered watching the red carpet show. The interviews with actual nominees are nice but the focus on mindless chit-chat and fashion is annoying to me. Who even gives a shit? We're here for the movies!

8: 20 - This is my second year live-blogging, as has long been established. But it's my fourth year watching the show all the way through. I use to just watch until I got bored and then watch the high-light reels the next day. I haven't started to regret my decision... Yet. We'll see.

8:23 -
Oh Jesus fuck, who invited Halle Berry? If there was ever an actress who's pop culture cred plummeted after winning, it was her.

8:27 -
I am literally quivering with antici...

8:28 - ...pation.

8:30 - OH SHIT! "SOCIAL NETWORK," son!

8:31 - I'm digging this remix of "In the Hall of the Mountain King."

The Academy has also been promising to do away with most of the time-consuming montages. Clearly, that doesn't extend to opening sequences.

8:33 - Nice jab at Alec Baldwin's crappy job last year.

Oh God, is the whole night going to be full of sub-SNL skits like this?

8:34 - Uh Christ, really? The eye-patch? Ugh.

8:35 - The Morgan Freeman gag would have been funnier if they didn't draw so much attention to it.

Oh Gawd, FUNNY COSTUMES! Holy fuck, this is awful.

8:37 - Back to the Future. That's... Relevant.

8:38 - Ah. See what you did there, Oscars.

8:39 -
I actually have "127 Hours" with me right here. But I haven't had a chance to watch it.

This is stifling.

8:40 - Anne Hathaway's eyes disappear into a pool of blackness every time she blinks.

8:41 - "Black Swan" technically wasn't a lesbian movie. It was all in her mind, you see.

8:42 - What is this? I thought they said, no montages? So they drop montages in favor of slide shows?

8:43 - I haven't actually seen any of the movies Mr. Big just listed off. I'll get around to it, eventually. "Lawrence of Arabia" is long.

8:44 - "A best picture classic?" Really Tom? Because people remember "Titanic" so fondly these days.

I don't know how "Alice in Wonderland" got so many nods. It was crappy.

...Annnnd it's the first winner of the night. This bodes well.

8:45 - Check out that lady's neck wrinkles. You could loose change in there.

8:46 - "The Wacky World of Tim Burton." Indeed.

Hat on the Oscar. Cute.

A rushed, sweaty speech to start the night on. Still, could be worse. Could be Sandra Bullock.

8:47 - "Inception" winning cinematography? That's cool.

I don't think any of my predictions have been correct so far.

8:48 - "Where's that thing?" Awkward and rushed are clearly the secret words tonight.

8:50 - COMMERCIAL BREAK! I really hope Hailee Steinfeld wins Best Supporting Actress. She was the favorite to win after the nods were announced but now, for some reason, Melissa Leo has come ahead as the likeliest choice. Which is disheartening. Oscar, if you really want to be hip, cutting-edge, and with the youth audience, why don't you actually give an award to someone youthful? I'm not suggesting Justin Bieber should win something. (God, he won't be presenting tonight, will he?) But haven't enough old ladies won? Beside, Leo should loose just because of that glittery pantsuit she has on.

8:51 - And we're back. Take it away James and Anne!

Holy shit, Kirk Douglas! You're really fucking old!

8:52 - Oh this is kind of sad. They've got a stroke case reading lame jokes off a teleprompter.

8:53 - At least they aren't having him read the names. That would be depressing.

I like Amy Adams but I don't think she's delivered an Award winning performances yet.

Mrs. Tim Burton better not win. I mean, who even gives a shit? I haven't seen the movie yet but she's, by far, the least interesting nominee tonight.

8:54 - I haven't seen "Animal Kingdom" and do not know who Jackie Weaver is. So I support her being nominated.

Does everyone in "The Fighter" talk like that?

8:55 - Steinfeld is clearly the breakout star of the year.

Take the envelope, Kirk! I know you're an icon but, seriously, open the envelope.

8:56 - A spry icon at that.

8:57 - Pfffft. Whatever. This is clearly going to be a long night full of disappointment and boredom.

8:58 - I'm happy to see Kirk is healthy enough to be on-stage. But that was still more depressing then it was funny.

8:59 - I don't have anything against Leo but Steinfeld really should have won. I mean, really she should have.

OOPS! She swore!

9:00 - This acceptance speech is setting a high standard for awkwardness tonight.

9:01 - Justin Timberlake is at the Oscars. What is the world coming to?

The first of what is sure to be many Banksy jokes.

9:02 - And iPhone humor. Cutting edge! Mila Kunis' cleavage is weird.

9:03 - Hey! I've actually seen these! That's neat!

"The Lost Thing" won! Fantastic!

9:04 - See, guys. This is how you actually do an acceptance speech. Calm, orderly, thankful, sweet.

9:05 - "All lost things everywhere." Awwww! That was actually sweet! Quick, play them off!

It's such a foregone conclusion who will win Best Animated Feature that I don't even know why they bothered nominating other films.

Also, "Tangled" really should have been nominated.

9:06 - The Academy should have just given "Toy Story 3" best picture and let someone else take home best Animated Feature. "Despicable Me" should have been nominated too.

9:07 - The Pixar guys almost always give good speech, something I've noticed. Cleverness must trickle down to everyone there.

9:09 - Here's an Oscar drinking game. Every time the music awkwardly plays somebody off or steps on someone's toes, take a shot. You'll probably have to be drinking a lot to get through this night anyway.

9:11 - Last year my prediction were spot-on. This year I've been missing almost all of them. I'm glad I'm didn't bet money on these things.

9:12 - I just realized Hathaway worn one dress on the red carpet and is now wearing a different dress.

Really, this attempt to take the audience on a digital tour of film history is pathetic. I'd prefer montages.

9:13 - Nice tuxes, guys. Very white.

I really hope "Winter's Bone" wins best adapted script. But it probably won't.

9:14 - Hey, I got one right! So, "The King's Speech"'s chance of winning Best Picture just shot up to about 100%.

9:15 - Get off the stage, Sorkin! So says the music. Take a shot!

9:16 - They should just turn the mic off once they want the person to leave the stage. Unsurprisingly, Sorkin likes to speechify.

The Guinea Pig line made me laugh.

9:17 - I really like the feature of the script lines actually appearing on-screen. Once again, I wish it was a standard DVD feature.

9:18 - Shit, really? Once again, I protest films being based on real events being nominated in the Original Screenplay category.

Where's the mic, dude? What an old British guy.

9:19 - "Quickly and often." Okay, that was funny. "I'M OLD, GODDAMNIT!"

It shall forever be known as the Melissa Leo F-Word from now on. And that was actually a good speech.

9:20 - Reflections so far: All of the dresses the actresses have been wearing have been ugly. What a weird selection of sponsors. Listerine? Coke? Because all of those scream "Oscar!"

9:21 - The show runners seem aware that the host are hopelessly unprepared for their job. So at least they got that much right. If only they knew that floating stationary images aren't entertaining or interesting.

9:22 - If Christian Bale actually wins an Oscar, I expect him to go on-stage and say, "Oh, is it good? Because it's fuckin' ruined now isn't it!" I would laugh. Besides, Melissa Leo clearly set the precedence for swearing tonight so all others must follow now.

9:23 - Anne is actually classier in that tux then she is in her dress.

9:24 - Because a song-and-dance number about how much Hugh Jackman sucks is clearly a proper way to use show time. And the show runners wonder why so many people tuned out after the half-hour mark.

Having said that, Anne does have a pretty nice voice.

9:25 - Jesus Christ, Franco is in a dress. Oh, and Charlie Sheen humor, very post-modern. This is just painful.

9:26 - Franco seems very embarrassed and not just because he's wearing a dress.

Russell Brand isn't very funny and looks like a caveman.

9:27 - I honestly can't think of what foreign language films I saw this year. I know I saw some but can't remember what they were.

9:28 - This Danish lady's skin is weird looking.

9:29 - Ha! The announcer just choked! Whoo! Reese Witherspoon looks pretty hot.

9:30 - I would be cool with Christian Bale winning but I'm just not sure it's going to happen. Also, it's very impressive that John Hawke, who was such a total badass in "Winter's Bone," actually got nominated. And to think, I was half-convinced the Academy would forget about that movie all together.

9:31 - Mark Ruffalo really didn't earn that nomination. His performance wasn't anything special. Also, I haven't seen "The Town" yet and am surprised it was nominated at all. Also, Geoffrey Rush is very old looking. His head is shaved tonight for some reason.

9:32 - And another one I got wrong. Jee-whiz I'm on a loosing streak tonight. I've always liked Christan Bale but, honestly, he should have won an Oscar for "American Psycho" before he won for anything else. Also, fierce neck-beard, Batman.

9:33 - "Where's my quacker?" I don't know what that means.

9:34 - Big "ooh" for dropping a URL. I don't know what that was all about. Bale has really well-defined cheek bones.

And, holy crap, Batman is tearing up! Batman doesn't cry!

9:37 - So do you think Banksy's really going to win best documentary? I would love to see him culture-fuck the Oscars but I'm not expecting it. The Academy knows better then to let some wacky guy in a monkey mask on-stage.

9:38 - Oh man, company presidents. Exciting!

9:39 - Riveting television here, folks.

9:40 - Annnd another dress for Anne Hathaway.

Clearly this is better then a montage.

9:41 - You know what would be a good show, Oscar? If you had some funny people come out, deliver a few brief funny lines, get the nomination and winners announced and handed out, have the songs and a few sparse musical numbers. And then, presto, in and out in two hours. Should be easy, right? You'd think that, wouldn't you?

9:42 - This is a clever way to showcase the music from the respective films and certainly a big improvement over the League of Extraordinary Dancers from last year. I will never get over how awful that was.

9:43 - Holy crap, the lead singer of Nine Inch Nails just won an Academy Award! And he got it without even having to shave first!

9:45 - I'm pretty sure most '90s NIN fans would think winning an Oscar is horribly uncool though. And they'd probably be right.

Scarlet doesn't look her best tonight.

9:46 - Gary A. Rizzo? I hope he wins just so Mr. Rizzo can walk on-stage. Is he a muppet rat?

9:47 - Yeah, Mr. Rizzo won! Looks like he isn't here tonight, which is the latest of several disappointments for me tonight. Oh, never mind, there he is. That's not a muppet rat!

9:48 - Take another shot!

I expect "Inception" to win this award as well.

9:49 - See, some time's I'm right.

It's good to know "Tron: Legacy" and "Unstoppable" are the latest in that proud tradition of random fucking movies that somehow managed to wrangle Oscar nominations in some minor category.

9:50 - A short, concise speech. I can handle that.

9:51 - Hate to say it, but this year's show has been horribly boring so far. The attempts to appeal to the youth crowd with inexperienced hosts hasn't produced the hilarious gaffs I was hoping for, just mostly boredom with a few really groan-inducing gags thrown in. And the "Digital tour through film history" hasn't been badly done, just really friggin' uninteresting. Banksy better win, just to liven the evening up some.

9:55 - Once, people couldn't believe Melissa Tomei could actually win an Oscar, thinking Jack Palance had been drinking heavily. Now, she's the classiest and nicest looking lady at the show.

Anne has some great cleavage going on right now.

Franco has worn a smug scene of distance throughout the entire show.

9:56 - Cate Blanchett is wearing a giant tea cozy.

9:57 - Yes, let's honor "The Wolfman" by showing the bad digital effects from that film instead of the practical effects that actually just won it the award.

"Legacy of Horror Monsters." Fuck yeah!

9:58 - That was a good speech. Rick Baker is probably use to being on that stage by now. Also, I'm still annoyed that "The Wolfman" didn't turn out better. With a tighter cut, that could still be a great film. Sadly, it looks like the time has passed for a superior director's cut DVD to come out.

9:59 - Not only is Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" the fifth highest grossing film in history, now it's the winner of two Academy Awards. What is everyone else seeing that I'm not?

10:00 - Wow, she's actually reading from a piece of paper. Can't say it isn't practical but, come on, you should have rehearsed, lady.


10:01 - I mean, this is the Academy Awards. I would have preferred to have seen somebody stumble through a half-remembered speech then just read it from a goddamn sheet of paper.

Okay, so here's a montage anyway. Is this some attempt to connect with average folk or something?


10:02 - Hey, Academy, instead of having Kevin Spacey drunkenly wander through some old standard, why not just get right to the songs?

10:03 - I can barely hear Newman singing over that backing track.

Best Sound Mixing is a rightly earned award because clearly it's hard to do. *wags finger at Academy show runners*

10:05 - That was an abbreviated version of the song, yes? If so, FUCK YOU, Academy show runner!

10:06 - I hope the person responsible for the atrocious sound-mixing tonight gets fucking axed tomorrow.

10:08 - Wait, what? You cut those two relatively good songs short to make room for, what? More commercials? Is Gwen Paltrow going to bark through her crappy sub-Sugarland country song later in the evening? I bet she's going to get to perform her whole song, isn't she? Clearly these guys have got their priorities straight.

10:11 - What a dire evening. I'm actually beginning to miss the gaffs of last year. Thanks for further lowering my expectations, Academy!

10:12 - Did anybody else see Franco roll his eyes when he mentioned Donny Darko's name? That was actually kind of awesome! He's barely containing his contempt tonight.

Despite being clearly teleprompted, Gyllenhall's little joke there was actually pretty clever.

10:13 - Yeah, I haven't seen any of these either. But good for those people who just won, I guess.

10:14 - Yes, what a great year for... Docs? People actually refer to them like that?

10:15 - Where are all the crazy people tonight? Is Melissa Leo's F-bomb really going to be the highlight of the night? I wish I had actually seen the short films. They all look very good. I'll have to look up and see if they're online somewhere after the show.

10:16 - See, this is how you read of a piece of paper, earlier Oscar winner who read off a piece of paper. That Jew-Fro kid was pretty entertaining.

10:17 - Wait, what the fuck is this stupid fucking shit?!!! Jesus Christ, Auto-Tune the Oscars! Holy fucking Christ, aw Jesus...

10:18 - And, hey, "Twilight" references. I am literally speechless at how much of a bad idea that was. Holy fucking shit.

10:19 - Also, take a shot every time Anne gets a new dress.

This is mostly unrelated, but I really fucking hate Oprah. I can barely contain my hatred for her. She's the Devil. She's the Satan-Beast.

10:20 - Holy shit, if Banksy gets up there and punks Oprah, that would make up for the whole evening. Please, please, let that happen.

10:21 - Damn. Way to ruin a potentially interesting event, Oscar. You are so lame.

10:22 - Oh no, this shit just got political.

10:23 - TAKE A SHOT!

"A peek at the first televised Oscars?" Because we really give a shit about that.

BRB, getting more booze.

10:26 - Okay, I'm back.

10:27 - Because bringing Billy Crystal on-screen is clearly the best way to liven up the evening.

I'm being sarcastic, by the way.

10:28 - Is Billy hoarding babies in those cheeks?

Crystal is killing, too.

10:29 - Maybe it's just because the evening has been so friggin' dry, but Crystal actually IS livening up the show. And here comes a moldy retrospective to murder that momentum.

10:32 - Robert Downey Jr. is, typically, kicking loads and loads of ass. I know they asked him to host and he said no because he's too goddamn cool for that but, damn, I wish he had hosted. That would have actually been worth seeing.

10:33 - Take a shot every time "Inception" or "The Social Network" wins something? Hey, any excuse to drink tonight!


10:36 - And another one! I am okay with this!

10:38 - I don't know if it's because I'm getting increasingly drunker or because the show has actually picked up some, but the show seems to be going quicker in its latter half. Couldn't get much friggin' dryer, that's for sure.

10:40 - Okay, we're back. Hey, another dress on Hathaway! SHOT! Great cleavage, too.

10:41 - I think you can actually see Franco's soul leaving his body as he reads these hoary jokes off the teleprompter in monotone.

10:42 - Jennifer Hudson looks really weird ever since she lost all that weight. Looks like her body is barely being held together by plastic surgery and packing tape.

10:43 - "IF I RISE!" This song kind of blows and this isn't even the version with Dido singing on it. Way to outblow Dido, guys.

10:44 - Gwen Paltrow and country's latest star, two phrases that make me shiver when combined. And not an erotic shiver either.

And, hey, they fixed the sound mixing just in times for the songs I don't actually care about.

10:45 - Paltrow's voice is skipping all over the damn place. Bitch shouldn't be singing. Egads.

10:46 - Well, I didn't see that one coming. Newman winning again for what was, honestly, a subpar effort is surprising and disheartening.

10:47 - "Randy Newman chicken?" That doesn't sound very appetizing.

10:48 - Oh shit, Newman is kicking ass. Dude is awesome.

10:51 - So, Halle Berry is doing a special tribute to Lena Horne. I really hate it when they give one person's death more attention then the rest. As if to say this other person's life and accomplishments were somehow more important than the other's. That shit has got to stop. They did it last year for John Hughes, which really pissed me off since I've always considered Hughes to be highly overrated.

10:52 - The stage is dark. You know it's time for taps. Oh Christ, who invited Celine Dion? Jesus Christ, way to dishonor everyone's memory, Oscar.

10:53 - Sally Menke's death really surprised and depressed me.

10:55 - I don't think I'm ever going to get over Dennis Hopper's death. Guy was a personal hero for me and his passing is just the shittiest thing possible. The world is less cool without him. Kevin McCarthy's death is also severely bumming me out. I guess he really was next that time.

10:56 - Hey, following up that "My Heart Will Go On" slut with Halle Berry. More hate for your buck! Thanks for that ulcer, Academy!

10:59 - I know it's not going to happen, and it's not like I've been having much luck tonight, but I really wish we lived in a world were Jennifer Lawrence actually had a shot at winning Best Actress. She gave not just the best performance in her category but the best performance of the year.

11:01 - Hey, Anne's got another dress on! And apparently it's made from blue wrapping paper! SHOT!

11:02 - Hey, great way to attract attention to your stupid horse face, Hilary. With that dress, I mean. And, holy fuck, Bigelow is tall!

11:04 - ARGH! Seriously, who even fucking gives a shit about Tom Hooper? What? Why? Goddamn it, David Fincher has been robbed again. This is complete fucking bullshit. I am raging so HARD right now! This is so fucking stupid! You don't know how much I am choking on my own rage right now.

11:05 - Look at this fucking douchebag. Listen to him yammer on and on about this stupid bullshit. I can't believe they gave the award to somebody absolutely nobody cares about. What a stupid, foolhardy thing to do. Goddamn. GODDAMN!

11:06 - I am still flabbergasted at Hooper winning. What a bunch of goddamn bullshit. I am so fucking angry right now. Goddamn it, Academy, you want to be relevant and interesting? You want to get the kid's attention? How about you actually give the award to the people who actually fucking deserve it? This is such absolute nonsense.

11:08 - I mean, what has that fuckbag ever done? Jesus Christ. Fincher's films will go on to be remembered forever. He's all ready far more beloved and respected then anybody else. And you give the award to goddamn Tom Hooper? I can't even perceive the faulty logic that would lead to such a decision. What a massive miscalculation. What a complete and total mistake. I just can't get over what a hugely bad idea this was.

11:09 - You hear that Tom Hooper? I just declared JIHAD on yo' ass! WATCH OUT, BITCH!

11:10 - Anyway, in other news that doesn't give me a hate tumor, it's cool Eli Wallach won a life time achievement award. The man has earned it and I wish he could have won an actual award in competition at some point in the past.

11:12 - Franco seems as bored and contemptuous of this show as the Academy voters are of who actually deserve to win Best Director.

Anyway, here's The Dude.

11:13 - You probably don't want to listen to me, considering how wrong I've been so far, but I'm still convinced Bening is going to win.

11:15 - The only way the Academy could make up for Hooper winning is by giving Best Actress to Lawrence. That might make me consider calling off my Jihad against that two-cent asshat hack.

11:16 - The part of Michele Williams is being played by Carey Mulligan and a pound of running mascara.

11:17 - I'm really surprised Portman won, which I guess makes me odd man out. But there is always such an on-going debate about wither or not she can even actually act. "Black Swan" was a good movie and she was good in it but it's not an Oscar winning performance.

Also, she's crying. Is it possible for an actress to win an Oscar without fucking crying? Buck up, ladies.

11:19 - Portman's speech was pretty good though. This has been a lousy night for me.

11:20 - Hathaway honoring Bullock is like Barrack Obama honoring the Grand Wizard of the KKK. The discrepancy between those two talents is staggering.

11:22 - Is something going to happen at the Oscar every year to make me have a rage heart attack? Bullock winning last year, Hooper winning this year. STOP PISSING ME OFF, OSCAR! Fuck.

11:23 - First off, a Facebook joke directed towards Jesse Eisenberg is weak. His performance hardly defined a generation. Secondly, I don't appreciate you, Sandra Bullock, speaking on behalf of me and all the other nerds hunched over keyboards. Fuck you, you don't know what you're talking about.

11:24 - Look at that smug bastard, James Franco. Yeah, forget James Dean and Alan Ginsberg in favor of some dude who got his arm crushed by a rock. STOP MAKING ME HATE YOU SO MUCH, BULLOCK!

11:25 - Hey, look at that, I called one. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

11:26 - Come on, Firth, dance! That would be exciting! Something exciting has to happen, right?

11:27 - Firth's acceptance speech is tolerable but stirs nothing in me. The entire night has been like that.

11:28 - At least Firth didn't cry.

11:29 - Also, Best Picture is coming up. Good, this night is almost over. You know, I know I've always cut the Awards a lot of slack but I am legitimately exhausted by this one. What a shit night.

11:30 - Bullock might have won for a completely excretory performance that was composed of nothing but cliches and fake spray-on tan. But it was a win we saw coming. Hooper winning is a surprise but the bad kind of surprise. Hooper winning is akin to opening the biggest box under the Christmas tree and seeing it filled with bird crap.

11:32 - Another new dress for Hathaway. SHOT!

11:33 - A massive thunderbolt just scared the shit out of me and my dog. It literally broke the entire fucking night in two. See? Even God is pissed about Hooper winning.

11:34 - So, "The King's Speech" is going to win best picture. Because this award show isn't done shitting all over my night.

11:35 - I think this storm is about to kill my TV. That would be the perfect ending to this craptactular show.

11:36 - Sigh.

11:37 - I am just so exhausted and pissed off right now, all I can do is shake my head. In the last few years, the Academy has gone out of its way to be exciting and new by actually honoring new, interesting films. This year represents a step back into the safe, boring, period drama closet. Fuck you, Oscar, for making me believe in you and then squandering all my hope.

11:38 - Taking another shot based on another person getting pushed off-screen by the music isn't making me feel any better.

Really, an amazing time, Franco? You sure didn't look amazed. Maybe amazingly BLAZED!

11:39 - Because a kid's choir is exactly what this show needs, goddamn it! I am going to drink this entire body of scotch and it's all your fault, Oscar.

11:41 - I love the eye rolling look on Franco's face as Hathway high-fived those kids. If he had actually said what he was thinking during this show, it would have been way more tolerable.

11:45 - All right, faggots, I'm calling it a night. This is by far the worse year the Oscars have had in a LONG TIME! The winners were all safe, boring, and expected at best and completely contemptible of art at worse. The hosts were bored and the skits they ecked out were train-wrecks that weren't even funny awful, just plain old awful. The attempt to take the viewers on a "Virtual tour through film history" was a total fucking snore and actually made me miss the montages. The show picked up some in it's second half but only because, I think, that meant it was halfway over. The absolutely only interesting moments were a handful of good speeches, Melissa Leo's saying fuck, and Hathaway's tits.

11:46 - Anyway, it's done. Thank God. About the only good thing I can say about this show is that next year has to be better, pretty much by default.

Thanks for reading to any of the people who might actually be reading. Better luck next year, cautious shrug?